Extended Family and Friends

We are trying to prepare as best as possible for the boys, and make it as smooth of a transition as it can be.  We have read a great deal on the subject of attachment.  This is especially important to children coming from foster care.  I will be taking a 2.5 month maternity leave, and D will take 2 weeks. Part of the process is also explaining how things will go with extended family.  It is important that they attach to us first, and extended family and friends will come later.

This is a modified version of an e-mail I sent out:

1) For the 1st 1 or 2 months, D and I need to be the only ones to take care of the boys.  This means feeding, changing, comforting them, picking them up.  They need to attach to us. Of course it is ok to talk with them, play with them, or hug them.  We also aren't supposed to use a sitter for the 1st month. Please don't be offended if you ask to come over or invite us over and we say no (But still ask). We have been told to "build a cocoon around our house."

2) For the first month or so, visits will need to be short.  And we will need to limit it to 2 - 3 people at a time.

3) I can't put their pictures on Facebook right away.  This is for confidentiality purposes.  This will be tough, because I know I want to show them off and you will too.  I will probably create a password protected site on Shutterfly or something I can update and share with you.

4) Please do not share their birth history, foster care history etc. with everyone.  They do not need to know.  In the same respect, please do not speak negatively about their birth parents. They will pick up on this.

5) Keep in mind they will probably miss their foster parents a lot.  They may ask for them.  This may be a tough transition.  They also may have picked up some difficult behaviors.  These were for survival and coping and served a purpose at one time.

Thank you for reading and keeping these in mind.

I got a positive response from sending this out, and people seem to be understanding.  I was worried it was come across as stand-offish, or condescending.