Book Review Plus Small Updates

    I finally found a positive book on adoption and attachment.  I recently finished "The Connected Child" by David Cross, Karyn Purvis, and Wendy Sunshine.
 Link to Barnes and Noble

This book is best suited for someone adopting a toddler, preschool, or even latency-age child.  The book uses practical tools and suggestions of discipline and promoting attachment, while reminding the reader of the perspective of an adopted child.  I did not find this book to be depressing or condescending.  While some of the advice may not be completely feasible 100% of the time, (such as when you toddler is having a meltdown at a grocery store) many of the tools are practical and real-world tested.
I downloaded the e-book, but may find a used copy or library copy so my husband will read it.  At just under 200 pages, it is a relatively quick read.  Some of the situations may make more sense to me when we have a child in our home.  We will have to remember that our children will likely have had a history of trauma, and may be untrusting of caretakers.  What works on other toddlers/children may not work on them.

As far as updates, nothing concrete on the two children we were called about.  We hope to find out more information this week.  The children's social worker was supposed to meet them last week, and get their picture and e-mail it to me.  I spent the day stalking my smartphone for an e-mail beep, text message, or phone call.  Alas, I got nothing.  I called my social worker when I couldn't handle it anymore, and found out the children's social worker had to cancel her home visit due to another case.  It may be two weeks before we know any more.  And that is not even about setting up a formal meeting or even visits.  It is frustrating, but I should know that that is how things work.
I am already talking about them as if they are my children.  I use their first names and talk about them when talking in the future.

Last week, I made a photobook about our family on shutterfly to give to the children or their social worker.  I made it generic, in case these particular children do not work out for us. I don't want to post pics for privacy reasons, but this is what I included:

Pictures of us
A picture of our house and yard
our pets
siblings and our parents
our interests with little photos (like beach, bikes, etc.)
I left some pages blank in the back, and wrote (your photos will go here) and one for random stickers.  What kid doesn't love stickers?

I put a Winnie-the Pooh quote and picture at the end: "Sometimes," said Pooh, "The smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

Emotionally hard week

I feel like the past week has been hard and painfully slow.  We received another call about two children - also 1 and 3.  We said we are interested, and are waiting for more information.  I find myself checking my e-mail and phone constantly.  When I get a call, I want to tell everyone because I am excited.  But then the process still moves at a snail's pace. 
Now that we are approved, it feels more real.  Our children have already been born.  They are waiting somewhere.  I hope that they are in a good place, but it is also sad to think they are attached to someone else.  They are growing up each day and I am missing it.  Each day that goes by without a call or some kind of step in the right direction is part of their childhood that we are not a part of.  It is almost harder now that two children have been idenitified.
I think these feelings are intensified by the fact that I work every day in protective services.  I see young children coming to our office everyday, and they are having supervised visits.  I wonder if they will be adopted by someone.  I hear parents complain about their children and berate them.  It makes me want a child even more, and to protect them.
I have also been more sensitive lately to people pulling the "You're not a parent" card.  Maybe I want to be, ok? I am working on it.  Just because I am not a parent yet, doesn't make me a total idiot or incapable of empathy.
I am really hoping for good news soon.  The anxiety is killing me.

Here's a Tom Petty Song for you:

The Waiting