I feel like the past week has been hard and painfully slow. We received another call about two children - also 1 and 3. We said we are interested, and are waiting for more information. I find myself checking my e-mail and phone constantly. When I get a call, I want to tell everyone because I am excited. But then the process still moves at a snail's pace.
Now that we are approved, it feels more real. Our children have already been born. They are waiting somewhere. I hope that they are in a good place, but it is also sad to think they are attached to someone else. They are growing up each day and I am missing it. Each day that goes by without a call or some kind of step in the right direction is part of their childhood that we are not a part of. It is almost harder now that two children have been idenitified.
I think these feelings are intensified by the fact that I work every day in protective services. I see young children coming to our office everyday, and they are having supervised visits. I wonder if they will be adopted by someone. I hear parents complain about their children and berate them. It makes me want a child even more, and to protect them.
I have also been more sensitive lately to people pulling the "You're not a parent" card. Maybe I want to be, ok? I am working on it. Just because I am not a parent yet, doesn't make me a total idiot or incapable of empathy.
I am really hoping for good news soon. The anxiety is killing me.
Here's a Tom Petty Song for you:
The Waiting
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