It has been a month since I returned to my social work job. I had mixed feelings about the return, but I have to be honest about something: I was mostly happy to return to work. I say that with zero guilt. I love my children both dearly, and am grateful for the maternity leave I was lucky enough to take. But my workplace is luxurious (or so it feels). I get to go to the bathroom whenever I want. I drink hot beverages out of an open mug, and no one knocks it over. I can talk on the phone, run errands, check e-mail. Yes, I actually do work too. Most days I actually enjoy my job, and feel it is more than just a paycheck. That may have made the transition easier for me.
The boys have mostly been adjusting well to the change, although I feel a twinge of resentment from big J. We were able to arrange our schedule so that we have a nanny two days, and our MIL does one half day, I do one half day, and D does the rest. It makes things easier that I don't have to bring them anywhere, and they are together. Big J will see me get dressed and say "You have to work AGAIN?" I usually say yes, I feel the same way and laugh. One day I was in the bathroom, but not on a day I had to go to work. Little J was walking around saying "Mamma" and Big J said to him "She's not here, she's at work."
I yelled, "I'm in here, I'm not at work!" and Big J said,"Little J, mommy's not here."
I have to admit, it broke my heart a little bit.
They do love their nanny and her 9 year-old daughter who comes over sometimes. I miss some of the activities we used to do, and I miss getting Big J off the bus. There is nothing like coming home to little feet running up to you screaming "Mommmy!" These boys give the best hugs.
No comments:
Post a Comment