Kid behavior or foster care behavior?

2 months ago, we brought home our little men. Both of us were (and still are) new parents, gifted with two walking, talking battles of energy. Now I have been working with children for a long time, have an MSW, been a therapist. But nothing could really prepare us.

D and I have started asking ourselves, "is this normal kid behavior? Or are we seeing foster child adoption behavior?"

Big J came to us with some missing puzzle pieces in his history. He has lived with his mother off and on, was removed twice,was homeless and in 5 foster homes. All before the age of 5. Little J is a little more lucky to have had more stability, and was with the same woman "Nanna" from 3 weeks old until he came to us.

Big J has had times that were -- let's leave it at challenging. His tantrums can be intense, and the first week weeks would happen multiple times per day. What we have seen is a lot of regressive behavior, especially seeing his little brother being taken care of. He wants us to dress him, wipe him, carry him, feed him, and go in the pack and play. For the most part, we have been obliging. I am starting to worry about coddling him too much . He will be in kindergarten this year, and don't want him to be the kid who can't/won't wipe himself.

The sibling rivalry part has been exhausting. They had never lived together, and we were new parents. It was an adjustment for all of us. I think the sibling rivalry stuff is mostly normal, but hopefully will calm down at some point. When will they be best friends?

Other behaviors we have seen in Big J are very hard rocking (in bed and in the car), nightmares, and hyper vigilance. He is afraid of a lot of things, but especially loud noises, bugs, and the dark. He likes to carry play-knives (such as from play-doh, the play kitchen) in his pajamas for "protection". He used to cry hysterically when he was disciplined, and when he wet himself. It makes me wonder what his consequences would be in other homes.

Last week, we had some biting (at school and home). I am hoping this is a short phase, and am thinking someone bit him. Then the universe caught up with him, and Big J got bit at a playplace. After comforting him, I reminded him he didn't like how it felt. He told me he isn't going to bite anymore.

Little J I think is just showing typical toddler behaviors, but man it happened overnight. The one thing is he does not seem to like babysitters. He gets very anxious when we leave, but especially his dada.

As hard as some days have been, there is nothing like homemade Valentines. Or seeing 4 legs run up to you when you haven't seem them in awhile (such as to you know, take a shower). Although we have given up our freedom, privacy, and sleep, I know there will be a time all too soon they will be too cool for us and we will miss having little shadows.